Someone walked up to me today and asked, “How do you make friends?” I gave her a puzzled look so she added, “No really. I don’t know how. I know plenty of people but I don’t really have a real friend.” And that’s when I noticed the tears welling up in her eyes. So I smiled at her and asked if she had a minute to talk. She said yes so I guided her over to a quiet corner where we could sit down, and this is what we talked about.
(If you are struggling with self doubt, please follow along and do the steps too)
- You can’t be a friend to anyone until you are a friend to yourself first. I asked her if she was confident in her own skin, happy with her life and if she loved herself. This is when the tears started to flow.
- I smiled at her and said ok, now we know where we need to start. I handed her a piece of paper and asked her to write down the positive qualities / character traits that she wanted in her future self. (Don’t hold back, the skies the limit!)
- It took her a while, but when she was finished she handed me the list. I then handed her a list that I written while she was making her list. On the paper I handed her was a list of everything that I saw in her. While she was reading them I was also saying them to her her. The only thing that was missing from the list that I wrote vs the list that she wrote, was that her future self was “Punctual.” She was crying again, so I took the papers from her and said, “Now I want you to do something.”
- I ripped up the list that I had made so that each word I had written about her was on it’s own piece of paper. I asked her to tape all of these words around her mirror when she got home and to send me a photo. I received the photo from her a few minutes ago. This next step is the hardest part.
- Every morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I am ________.” with each word that’s on the mirror. Say it out loud and with confidence. Say them all again before going to bed. Do this every day. Learn to not care if anyone can hear or see you. This is part of getting comfortable in your own skin. Everyday as you do this, your subconscious will start believing the words.
To switch it up, play some music while you do it. Jump on YouTube and play some Epic soundtracks. Be careful of the music you select when doing this exercise because words have power. You don’t want the words of a song to takeover what you’re trying to accomplish. I’ll say it again, words have power. That’s why this exercise works!
One day you will notice that you are actually starting to like yourself and that you really are those words on your mirror! Plus you will be able to answer question # 1 with a confident yes! But you have to do it for this to actually work. You can’t just wish it into existence. You have to take action.
Be confident, genuinely, imperfectly, you.